I was sober for three years when I got pregnant the first time. I was also on mental health medications that I didn’t feel safe taking during pregnancy so I weaned off of them. They had never worked well anyway because I was wrongly diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Instead of seeking out better help and finding the right medications and right diagnosis, I demonized mental health medication and vowed never to use it again. I ended up letting go of my sobriety a year later and white knuckling through the ups and downs of my diseases (mental health and addiction) for the next decade.
I spent years trying every natural concoction for mental health. Juicing, smoothies, supplements, yoga, herbs, and some wild berry from some rain forest that claimed to be the cure all. There was no end to the lengths I would go to feel sane as long as it was “natural.” Every time I hoped the next thing would be the thing that would fix me, but it never did. I just ended up having severe mood swings.