“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”
It has been an emotional roller coaster the last few days leading up to this momentous occasion. One year ago I couldn’t imagine what this day would be like, or fathom the person I could become in 365 days. Thankfully I didn’t have to imagine any of that. I just had to stay in the day, at times just in the moment. I had to not drink and I had to do some big work on myself.
What It Was Like
A year ago, I was a broken soul seeking pain and running from pleasure. I’m not talking about the kind of pleasure that two glasses of wine, a donut, or a good-looking man bring you. This is the kind of pleasure and joy that is derived from being loved by the right kind of people or the pleasure of knowing that you’re being a productive, contributing, and stable human being. Nothing overtly bad happened to make me desire sobriety. I was just tired of running. I was tired of making excuses for why I had become the person that I was. Mostly I was tired of not being the person I pretended to be and truly desired to be like.